Cold enough that the breath feels like it freezes before it leaves my lungs...cold enough that I know winter owns us now and until many nights huddled with blankets pass and many mornings are met with cups of steaming tea, the green will stay hidden away and I will wait, patiently, for the warmth and the answers.

Today, after a week of mostly solitary life, I visited the magic cafe where my friends gather to share their words on the page and in lilting conversations. I am just ME there, stripped of the labels There are times when pushing hard and working fiercely is the only way to reach the bend in the road we need to travel on...and times when sitting down and taking off our shoes and counting flowers along the edge of the trail is more than enough. Metaphor, yes, but this is where I am in my life at the moment.

I am happy in January this year instead of resenting it and pining for spring when I can get back out into the yard and start digging in the dirt...when I can feel the sunlight sink into my skin, through the blood into my very bones. Sigh...Now, I'm studying the movements of birds on the other side of the tightly sealed windows, watching them feeding there, clumsy and bold with hunger. I am wearing beautiful handknitted scarves and hats, some off of my own needles and some not...but all bearing the personality of their creators with an odd bobbled stitch or careless loop. I'm burning incense and lighting endless candles, taking long baths and reading deep and wonderful words, some written by people I am lucky enough to call friends. I am trying to heal, slowly...slowly. This year, the silent stillness of winter suits me. The presence of "waiting" is in every bare branch and in every aspect of my personal life. Waiting, pausing, breathing, savoring.

I move in circles and speak in jagged-edged lines, but I am finding people in my very corner of the world who hear me out anyway. I am feeling loved, lucky and blessed even by strangers. I am working, back-to-basics, and feeling more centered than I have been in *so* very long. I expect little miracles everywhere...and lately, they have been looking for me too. My life, colored palest indigo and silver with a bruised but gathering light.